Handicapped Hipsters Rejoice!

by kara on May 18, 2012

Illinois Approves Mini Horses as Service Animals!

.

Finally, Democratic and Republican lawmakers agree on something, and something that I can really wrap my head around. Illinois lawmakers agree that people with disabilities ought to be able to use tiny horses in the same ways they use guide dogs. State Sen. Dave Koehler – a Democrat who added the measure to a House bill on trained service animals – dismissed any notion that we could soon face a ridiculously cute boondoggle of armies of little horses stampeding through malls, campuses and apple stores:

“I have no concerns that we’re gonna see any stampede in grocery stores or anything like that. This is an issue that pertains really to the disabled community, and puts us in compliance to the federal law”.

Under the measure,  mini horses (as well as your standard dog), wearing cute little harnesses, backpacks or vests (and, apparently, sneakers), identifying them as trained service animals will be permitted to accompany a child with disabilities to school functions. This does not sit well with State Sen. Dave Syverson  - a Republican –  who happens to look like a freakin ghoul. Senator Killjoy was one of the 11 sadsacks who voted against the measure, saying that mini-horses would be a classroom distraction and cost the state money blahblahblah. The mini measure was approved 40-11.

Look how much fun traveling can be once you fake blindness or autism and bring along a mini horse!

Traveler somehow oblivious to mini horse.

According to the law, a mini horse can be employed as a hearing animal, a guide animal, an assistance animal, a seizure alert animal, a mobility animal, a psychiatric service animal, an autism Service animal, or an animal trained for any other physical, mental, or intellectual disability.

I feel a chronic case of massive intellectual disabilities coming on. I already have fear of flying, every kind of mental disability and am probably autistic.

by kara on May 11, 2012

Virginia is for Lovers of Jello-O and Armed Insurrections

by kara on May 9, 2012

FROM THE FILES OF: Greene County, Virginia, GOP division. March newsletter article: “Rallying Against the Living Wage,” or this one: “Is Barack Hussein Obama America’s Most Biblically-Hostile U. S. President?” And this very important article: “Political Action Against Islamic Infiltration”.

And via Right Wing Watch, this daring letter from the editor of the Greene County GOP newsletter:

“The ultimate task for the people is to remain vigilant and aware ~ that the government, their government is out of control, and this moment, this opportunity, must not be forsaken, must not escape us, for we shall not have any coarse [sic] but armed revolution should we fail with the power of the vote in November ~ This Republic cannot survive for 4 more years underneath this political socialist ideologue.”

“We have before us a challenge to remove an ideologue unlike anything world history has ever witnessed or recognized. An individual who has come to power within a Nation which yields it’s strength [sic] over the entire world. An elected leader who shuns biblical praise, handicaps economic ability, disrespects the honor of earned military might. In the coming days and weeks ~ we the people must come to grasp as a common force, our very soul’s [sic], that our future as a sovereign nation is indeed at risk.

“The meeting will be held at the Madison Presbyterian Church, 1236 Fishback Road, Rt. 722 at the north traffic light. Everyone is invited to attend this informative meeting. The club will be serving corned beef and cabbage, boiled potatoes, carrots, Jell-O salads, and other types of salads and dessert. Dinner: $7″.  [click to continue…]

Bomber in Plot on U.S. Airliner Is Said to Be a Double Agent!

by kara on May 8, 2012

from nytimes

The would-be suicide bomber dispatched by the Yemen branch of Al Qaeda last month to blow up a United States-bound airliner was actually an intelligence agent for Saudi Arabia who infiltrated the terrorist group and volunteered for the suicide mission, American and foreign officials said Tuesday.  [click to continue…]

Why Mitt Can’t Tell The Crazies To Get Lost

by kara on May 8, 2012

photo AP

from The National Memo

In the cliché of the season, Mitt Romney is supposed to be executing a graceful “pivot” away from the grating extremist stupidity of the Republican primaries, the better to persuade us that he really is a Massachusetts moderate, or a moderate conservative – or at least something less repellent to independent voters than a Tea Party yahoo. He stumbled in mid-pivot, however, when a woman posing a question to him at a Cleveland event on Monday said President Obama “should be tried for treason,” and Romney acted as if he didn’t hear her slur.  [click to continue…]

by kara on May 4, 2012

Adam Yauch 1964 – 2012

Teabagger Bus Company Burns Seniors Alive and are Hypocrites. Also.

by kara on May 3, 2012

(not the actual flaming bus)

I don’t know how I missed this doozy, from back in 2009, aka the Teabagger boon years. from Alternet

One of the featured corporate sponsors of the Tea Party Express had to pay millions of dollars to settle lawsuits for its role in a bus fire that killed 23 seniors fleeing Hurricane Rita in 2005.  [click to continue…]

The $5.2 Million Nag

by kara on May 3, 2012

“Lead Ponies”, aka “Nags”(what I like to call them, affectionately of course), are the spotted, speckled, fuzzy nags who you see palling around with the thoroughbred race horses out during pre race workouts. You’ve seen them, they are often insane looking –  next to the sleek bay or chestnut thoroughbreds, they are loud and tacky. They are often western, ex ropers or rodeo horses, paints, pintos, appaloosas, buckskins, palominos, even crazy-eyed albinos.  There must be some advantage for a lead pony to be all splotchy and wacky looking, but I’m not sure what it is. The lead ponies strut their stuff, manes done up in braids and ribbons, with bowed necks and a bounce in their step like they’re the top dogs on the track.

Horses are not loners by nature, and like the rest of us, prefer to have a buddy for friendship and support. Lead Ponies are escorts, schoolers, tour guides, mentors, and trusty friends for the youngsters – babies, really –  at 2 or 3, someone they respect and trust, and can inch in close to. They offer the skittish babies reassurance and courage. Their hearty and stalwart presence calms them. And if their ward runs off the course, the lead pony is the one that has to sigh and bound out after him.

[click to continue…]

The Teevee AD I’d like to see.

by kara on May 2, 2012

OPEN ON:

Footage from 9/11/2001 of the planes crashing into the WTC, the towers collapsing and New Yorkers running in horror, the smoldering Pentagon and of the Flight 93 crash site in Pennsylvania.

CUT TO:

Creepy raw footage of Osama bin Laden taking credit for the 9/11 attacks and declaring that Al Qaeda was plotting more deadly attacks against Americans.

CUT TO:

Black screen with a word crawl and voice over.

“On September 11th 2001 America suffered the worst attack in its history. 3,000 Ameicans died that day at the hands of Al Qaeda terrorists led by Osama bin Laden. Osama bin Laden then vowed to kill more Americans in terrorist attacks”.

CUT TO:

Mittens (with dog strapped to his head) saying:

“It’s not worth moving heaven and earth spending billions of dollars just trying to catch one person.”

CUT TO:

word crawl:

“If Governor Romney doesn’t think it’s worth “moving heaven and earth” and spending billions of dollars to take out the guy who killed 3,000 Americans, and who was planning to kill more, then perhaps he can tell us when it would be appropriate?How many Americans would have to die in terrorist attacks under a Romney administration before Mitt Romney would take action”?

Music swells and CUT TO

Obama announcing, curtly, that bin Laden is dead, walks off.

BUSINESS PLAN. TOP SECRET.

by kara on May 2, 2012

Here’s my business plan:

Kidnapping job creators like the Koch brothers and parting them out for their organs. Seriously, if you needed a kidney transplant what would you rather have, a kidney from some anonymous loser or a Chinese political prisoner or a high-quality kidney from a high-powered job creators like Dave and Charlie Koch? Why have some soggy, anemic loser organ when you could instead have a Koch job creating organ instead?  Oh you say that organ’s been ruined by years of alcoholism and cocaine abuse? I say that kidney has been battle tested by a job creator! Sure, go ahead and take your vegan, fair-trade, cruelty-free, loser kidney from an anonymous member of the 99 percent. I’m going to take the winner’s kidney! (besides, there’s always Mitt’s pure, untainted organs, that would come at a premium. A job creating organ that has not been sullied by drugs and drink would go for a LOT).

INVENTED BY KARA VALLOW, MAY 2, 2012. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PATENT PENDING, ETC.

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