He must be early for Palin.
I agree with Michael Moore
Anti-abortionists have been walking around proudly with posters of fetuses for years, yet I doubt many of them would have the stomach for photos of actual dead children.
And you thought the standard uniform for CPAC goers was obnoxious t-shirts, bermuda shorts, colored socks and sandals, along with a slightly frayed cardigan sweater? Not this year, bitches.
You see, last year they almost ran out of the scratchy blankets they use to cover up women who come dressed as whores! How else can GOP men shame sluts for being so slutty, but not slutty enough to fuck them? Well, CPAC 2013 has hired teabaquettes to instruct all those CPAC-bound on how to dress – specifically how not to look like a whore. Fellas, don’t look like horrible slobs, womenz please stop being such whores and cover your filthy rump.
We’re all familiar with the traditional, geek/tough-girl/under-privileged/unpopular/homely secretly gorgeous ugly duckling who slaps on some makeup and gets to swim as a swan. It’s often the only tolerable part of a really bad movie. We feel an undeniable vicarious frisson as glasses are removed, hair is set, eyeliner gets applied and eyebrows are tweezed. Voila! The bookworm is a prom goddess, the scullery maid a princess, the tomboy a beauty queen, the Cockney flower girl a “lady”, the actual prostitute also a “lady”. The striking beauty is revealed to the gaping onlookers as she strides down the stairs, walks into a classroom, floats into a ballroom, struts down the street or into a carnival or out on the dance floor. At this point, we breathe a sigh of relief and smile in satisfaction. All is right with the world.
American loves all things self-improvement-related, because we love seeing things so obviously lesser changed for the better. Now, does a new bob or a pair of contact lenses change your life in the “real word”? You bet your loofahed, liposuctioned ass it does. But what about the makeovers gone bad?
In “The Breakfast Club”, Claire transforms Allison from compelling oddball to her own girlish clone. Claire’s weapons of war are a froofy headband that smooths Allison’s tussled bedroom hair, and peach powder and lipgloss to replace the “black shit” under her eyes. Allison is stripped of her black clothes and put into a pale pink, frilly camisole. In minutes she becomes totally ordinary, attractive to her peers and to the dream jock. [click to continue…]
Geekosphere was shaken to its very core yesterday when President Obama said:
“Even though most people agree that I’m being reasonable; that most people agree I’m presenting a fair deal; the fact they don’t take it means I should somehow do a Jedi mind meld….”
So much for #Obama being the most divisive president in history! He just united two completely different universes!
I was driving to work listening to Obama’s press conference when he uttered those fateful words and I shook my head muttering, “poor dumb bastard”. It’s like my dad trying to talk about Twitter. You just roll your eyes and smirk.
Soon, anguished tweets from basements everywhere flooded the internet, and Serious News Organizations – Sulu himself on MSNBC – carefully explained that there are Jedi mind tricks from Star Wars – and Vulcan mind melds from Star Trek, neither of which can be used to influence House Republicans or other nonsentient beings.
In a way, the term “Jedi Mind Meld” provides a perfect illustration of bipartisan compromise. You take the “Jedi Mind Trick” camp and the “Vulcan Mind Meld” camp, put them together with a deadline looming over us, and what do you come up with? Jedi Mind Meld. Great job again, Mr. President! John Boehner would be making a Bonanza analogy.
Poor dumb Sulu, weighing in on the Ed Schultz show, compared Republicans to Klingons (Commander Worf libel). The GOP isn’t Klingon, Sulu, they’re an ‘honor’ based culture. So not Republican. Maybe Ferenghi, but again at least the Ferenghi are good with money, so not Republican. More like the Yangs from the Omega Glory or those dimwits who took Spock’s brain. Or is the correct metaphor on the other side of the fence – are the Republicans Sith? Anyway, it’s very hopeful to call them Klingons, because they EVENTUALLY joined the Federation-and figured out their leader was an enemy shapeshiter. The Breen (“Never turn your back on a Breen), were Xenophobic “I got mine” assholes with a conquering complex that required them to look down their noses at the rest of the galaxy…..or the Dominion from the Gamma Quadrant, since it’s a bunch of fanatic footsoldiers that worship beings that aren’t actually gods (like Turbo Jesus). Anyway, Sulu was wrong, but to be fair, he’s TOS when they were more villain-y and their culture and ways were not as well understood.
In related news, a delegation of bronies expressed disappointment that President Obama completely ignored their suggestion that he make a clever reference to how talking ponies in the mythical kingdom of Sequestria would be negatively affected by the budget cuts. Oh I don’t know, they ought to stick with the Star Wars analogies, since this budget nonsense is just going to keep going on and on long past the point where everyone wished it had come to some sort of sensible conclusion. Besides, by Monday, nerds everywhere will realize “Eh, at least he’s not Mitt Romney.”
Well done, 60 to 67,000 fat people on scooters, you broke the federal government. Bravo, morons, you’ve accomplished something every other enemy of America has failed to do, to date
Jaundiced boozebag John Boehner dragged his rich Corinthian leather hide in front of a room full of reporters to say that the House of Representatives had done all it would do to avoid the upcoming sequester, and now is the time for the Senate “to get off its ass.” From your mouth to God’s tanning bed, Smoking Man. Nobody even threw their shoe at him! Or pointed and laughed. No one asked, “What, besides food stamps, meals on wheels and health care do you want to cut, Speaker? Specifics”? Not even that. Maybe it was just the booze talking and later he will get all sloppy drunk and tearfully beg forgiveness.
Considering that the House has met for a grand total of fifteen days so far this year, Boneheader’s call for the Senate to get off its ass is super hilarious. 15 days. During which they concentrated on the important stuff, right? How many Republican bills introduced to repeal Obamacare? “Done all they could to avoid the sequester” – I don’t suppose he has one teeny example of something even remotely resembling such activity. They are looking for “compromise”? But compromise means you have no principles and should be run out of town, even if you only represent one half of one half of one branch of the government.
House Minority Leader and my dog’s namesake Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) responded to Boehner’s remark:
“The Republican leadership says we passed bills last year. I remind them, that was a different Congress. That doesn’t count in this Congress. The Republican leadership says let the Senate begin. I remind them that the Constitution says that appropriations and revenue bills must begin in the House.”
That whole “revenue bills must begin in the House” part of Boehner’s passing the buck…..perhaps that part of the Constitution doesn’t count, because it does not involve guns.
Hey, guys, she’s back! We knew she couldn’t stay quiet forever — or even very long. Yesterday at someplace called “Patrick Henry College” (a wingnut evangelical university in Virginia, the man who introduced her said he wished the Tea Party movement had been “a little more conservative”), Michele addressed everything from her favorite contemporary singer (Beyoncé, and she thinks Michael Bublé is “pretty cool.”), to gay marriage (bad) to how she prepared for the debates: “You have to be a virtual Wikipedia!” You can be asked anything!”, to her mistakes (none).
“It was a very good experience because I think that challenges are very good for us. I made a decision when I started I wouldn’t whine about the press and I wouldn’t whine about press coverage because I knew that it would be negative. What it did is it forced me to be better and stronger and to think through what I was going to say.”