I’m generally a peaceful person, a secularist who believes that people should try to be nice to each other, for the most part. I don’t believe anyone needs a gun, or in the death penalty, and I don’t believe in Hell.
Which is why I was a little surprised to find myself thinking about ways in which Don Blankenship, the former CEO of coal mining giant Massey Energy, might die in a mine cave-in and then spend eternity in terrible torment, maybe in an isolated, antiquated citadel under siege by socialist homo armies of darkness who pick him apart piece from piece then boil him in oil, in some psychological retribution designed by Rod Serling for dramatic effect, then scourged, sewn into a leather bag with a a snake, a rooster, and a monkey, and thrown into the River Tiber, like in ancient Rome.
One just has to accept that there will be parts of one’s ethical worldview that clash now and then, I suppose
Ok,it’s 3AM so I’lll weakly defend this uncharacteristic sadism with the fact that, depending on where we are in the respective Duggar, Palin/Cheney grandchild procreation, and mass shooting cycles, there are roughly 300 million Americans. And with all due respect to our country’s most disgusting and violent shitbags, there may not be a worse person in the bunch than Don Blankenship. I might be forgetting someone, but it probably goes: 1) Rapist Priests 2) Blankenship 3) Racist Murdering Cops 3) Rageaholic Asshole Who Left Illiterate Note On My Windshield About How To Street Park Despite Having Zero Knowledge Of Original Parking Situation.
I’ll also take this opportunity to further confess that the heat death of the universe is one of those things I like to ponder when I’m in a state of existential angst – it’s about the bleakest thing one can think of (although, paradoxically, it’s absolute finality is quite comforting too).
“Oklahoma police officers gave an escaped donkey a lift home in the back of their patrol car. The donkey was lured into the vehicle with feed before being dropped off at a pen on neigh-bouring land to where it was found. ‘It was a huge mess in the back…a huge mess,’ said Officer Kyle Canaan.”
Eventually shootings in the US will be covered like the weather. There will just be reports of how many are dead in what location. Unless it’s a particularly high body count, nobody will even pay attention. Maybe they’ll just start dully reporting the statistics on the national evening news every night, like they did with the body count of dead American soldiers back during the Vietnam War.
Congratulations, Republicans, you’ve completely normalized gun violence.
The NRA needs to try to ensure us that the only shootings anyone ever talks about are mass shootings committed by people with histories that strongly suggest mental illness, because if responsible, law-abiding citizens are a nuisance-neighbor-with-a-gun away from becoming mass murderers, it makes the NRA’s stand look like a conspiracy to tens of thousands of murders, doesn’t it?
Here’s this little plaque from Manzanar, in California, the third paragraph of which should be inscribed on the forehead of every American:
The third line:
“May the injustices and humiliation suffered here as a result of hysteria, racism and economic exploitation never energy again.”
So, I was fed up with being burgled every other day by the burglars in my neighbourhood. So, I tore out my alarm system, put my pitbull to sleep and resigned from our local Neighbourhood Watch. I’ve planted a Iraqi flag in each corner of my front garden with a bog honking ISIS flag in the center. Now, the LAPD, CIA, the FBI, the National Security Bureau, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, and every other intelligence service in the world are all watching my house 24x7x365. My dog has a personal escort on her walks boyfriend, every time he leaves the house, has an escort. I’m followed to and from work every day. So no one bothers us at all these days. I have never felt safer in my life!
The War on Christmas – waged by secular humanists and their corporate stooges – grabs all the headlines, with their Satanic and UnAmerican “Happy Holidays” slogans and Starbucks cups sans Santa. But less talked about is the Corporate War on Thanksgiving.
For you see, when I was little, in the 1970’s and 1980’s, pretty much every store and office in America was closed. Only dedicated fire fighters, police officers, and medical professionals like my parents, worked.
Thanksgiving was a special day.
Nowadays, all the stores and malls are open, hence much of the olde time Thanksgiving charm is lost, particularlty for the poor suckers who have to work or be on call, if the store manager needs a few more registers open or you work late night till early morning Friday getting things ready, and guns loaded, for the Black Friday Massacre.
Mall stores that opt to close on Thankgviing day are forced to pay fines to corporate because the rest of the mall is open. Because the mall’s gonna be open on Thanksgiving and it would look bad if some of the stores weren’t open, see? You wouldn’t want to make the mall look bad, would you? And there you have it. Corporate is waging the War on Thanksgiving, and that’s why wingnutz don’t give two flying fucks about it.
Soon Thanksgiving will be just another day, with we the people scurrying liie the rats that we are, to our offices and to stores, so the Corporate Person, be it Corporate Man or Corporate Woman or Corporate Transgender pronoun, can maximize profits to shareholders.
And then the War on Thanksgiving will be over and Corporate Person has won and the Hunan Person has lost.
The end.
I was in the car in the middle of a radio interview with some dingbat last night. I kept thinking, who is this nutjob yapping about Syrian refugees? I don’t recognize his voice but he sounds like a Klown Kar rider. Finally figured out it was Ohio’s John Kasich – the one at the debates who was rolling his eyes at his fellow Republican presidential candidates because they are nutty but he is reasonable. I think he must have gotten some training in having a reasonable sounding voice that might fool you for a minute until you actually listen to what he says. I nearly lost my shit, Kasich was trying his hardest pretending to be a Fundamentalist Chrisitian.
I have to say, I never saw this one coming. In the race to see who could come up with the most insane, unconstitutional proposal in reaction to the Paris massacre, my money was on the obvious favorites, Ben Carson, Ted Cruz and Donald Trump. And while they all made valient efforts, the worst idea of all sprung up from the “moderate” mind of Ohio Gov. John Kasich. Maybe he got tired of being called “the reasonable one” and decided that if Crazy Talk is what’s selling this year, he may as well go all in.
Look at the image on the box! SO beautiful! The super Mod Dip-a-Flower kits were like a dream of mod craftiness, making magnificent groovy-colored, glasslike, transparent floral bouquets.
The first problem was Dip-a-Flower was a messy proposition, the second was that the sharp wire tended to poke out of the ends of the stems. I used to see Dip-a-Flower kits at the hobby shopand thought that they were so cool. I seems as if breathing the polyester resin fumes was very toxic. I must admit I liked the smell, but it did make us all a little dizzy.
DEAR MOM: I cannot believe you bought us resin pouring kits when I was 9. A resin cast is formed when resin and a chemical catalyst are combined to form a hard, plastic-like material. I know that our Dip-a-Flower kit was from the Sears Wish Book and they looked really neat but we didn’t wear masks or gloves and the 2-part resin mixture was very, very toxic. These kits are still available today, but are recommended for adults with a respirator, gloves, and eye protection.