So, I was fed up with being burgled every other day by the burglars in my neighbourhood. So, I tore out my alarm system, put my pitbull to sleep and resigned from our local Neighbourhood Watch. I’ve planted a Iraqi flag in each corner of my front garden with a bog honking ISIS flag in the center. Now, the LAPD, CIA, the FBI, the National Security Bureau, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, and every other intelligence service in the world are all watching my house 24x7x365. My dog has a personal escort on her walks boyfriend, every time he leaves the house, has an escort. I’m followed to and from work every day. So no one bothers us at all these days. I have never felt safer in my life!