photo AP
from The National Memo
In the cliché of the season, Mitt Romney is supposed to be executing a graceful “pivot” away from the grating extremist stupidity of the Republican primaries, the better to persuade us that he really is a Massachusetts moderate, or a moderate conservative – or at least something less repellent to independent voters than a Tea Party yahoo. He stumbled in mid-pivot, however, when a woman posing a question to him at a Cleveland event on Monday said President Obama “should be tried for treason,” and Romney acted as if he didn’t hear her slur. [click to continue…]
“Lead Ponies”, aka “Nags”(what I like to call them, affectionately of course), are the spotted, speckled, fuzzy nags who you see palling around with the thoroughbred race horses out during pre race workouts. You’ve seen them, they are often insane looking – next to the sleek bay or chestnut thoroughbreds, they are loud and tacky. They are often western, ex ropers or rodeo horses, paints, pintos, appaloosas, buckskins, palominos, even crazy-eyed albinos. There must be some advantage for a lead pony to be all splotchy and wacky looking, but I’m not sure what it is. The lead ponies strut their stuff, manes done up in braids and ribbons, with bowed necks and a bounce in their step like they’re the top dogs on the track.
Horses are not loners by nature, and like the rest of us, prefer to have a buddy for friendship and support. Lead Ponies are escorts, schoolers, tour guides, mentors, and trusty friends for the youngsters – babies, really – at 2 or 3, someone they respect and trust, and can inch in close to. They offer the skittish babies reassurance and courage. Their hearty and stalwart presence calms them. And if their ward runs off the course, the lead pony is the one that has to sigh and bound out after him.
[click to continue…]
OPEN ON:
Footage from 9/11/2001 of the planes crashing into the WTC, the towers collapsing and New Yorkers running in horror, the smoldering Pentagon and of the Flight 93 crash site in Pennsylvania.
CUT TO:
Creepy raw footage of Osama bin Laden taking credit for the 9/11 attacks and declaring that Al Qaeda was plotting more deadly attacks against Americans.
CUT TO:
Black screen with a word crawl and voice over.
“On September 11th 2001 America suffered the worst attack in its history. 3,000 Ameicans died that day at the hands of Al Qaeda terrorists led by Osama bin Laden. Osama bin Laden then vowed to kill more Americans in terrorist attacks”.
CUT TO:
Mittens (with dog strapped to his head) saying:
“It’s not worth moving heaven and earth spending billions of dollars just trying to catch one person.”
CUT TO:
word crawl:
“If Governor Romney doesn’t think it’s worth “moving heaven and earth” and spending billions of dollars to take out the guy who killed 3,000 Americans, and who was planning to kill more, then perhaps he can tell us when it would be appropriate?How many Americans would have to die in terrorist attacks under a Romney administration before Mitt Romney would take action”?
Music swells and CUT TO
Obama announcing, curtly, that bin Laden is dead, walks off.
Here’s my business plan:
Kidnapping job creators like the Koch brothers and parting them out for their organs. Seriously, if you needed a kidney transplant what would you rather have, a kidney from some anonymous loser or a Chinese political prisoner or a high-quality kidney from a high-powered job creators like Dave and Charlie Koch? Why have some soggy, anemic loser organ when you could instead have a Koch job creating organ instead? Oh you say that organ’s been ruined by years of alcoholism and cocaine abuse? I say that kidney has been battle tested by a job creator! Sure, go ahead and take your vegan, fair-trade, cruelty-free, loser kidney from an anonymous member of the 99 percent. I’m going to take the winner’s kidney! (besides, there’s always Mitt’s pure, untainted organs, that would come at a premium. A job creating organ that has not been sullied by drugs and drink would go for a LOT).
INVENTED BY KARA VALLOW, MAY 2, 2012. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PATENT PENDING, ETC.
Confederate president, traitor and cowardly cross-dresser, Jefferson Davis, having been stripped of his American citizenship and indicted for treason, lived out his final years at a seaside estate in Biloxi, Mississippi called Beauvoir (“beautiful view” in French). There, amongst the sweeping ocean views, Davis crafted “The Rise and Fall of the Confederate Government”, a 1,500 page memoir that is a vindication of the Confederate cause, a revisionist tale of the Civil War as a valiant Lost cause. Here, through moonlight and magnolias, the self-described “man without a country” dictated to his mistress, his implicit defense of slavery, and the postbellum Klan terrorism that disenfranchised the freed men. “Rise and Fall” eloquently and masterfully spins Southern rebellion as a patriotic struggle to defend America’s founding principles.
On August 29, 2005, Hurricane Katrina blew into the Gulf Coast and devastated Beauvoir, as well as the Jefferson Davis Presidential Library, which had opened in 1998. The decimated library was razed and is now being rebuilt from the ground up. When completed later this year, it will be a massive bunker of reinforced concrete, able to withstand whatever crushing natural disaster God unleashes on it next. It will bear over its entryway the Great Seal of the Confederacy with the motto “Deo Vindice” (God will vindicate). [click to continue…]
by kara on April 30, 2012
by kara on April 28, 2012
Speaking at distinguished Otterbein University, Mitt Romney takes off his tie to somberly detail his method for amassing greenbacks, as the students all slip into comas.
by kara on April 27, 2012
A 200-lb hippie bear was wandering around the University of Colorado campus in Boulder, eventually climbing up a tree to snooze. Officials shot the hippie bear with a tranquilizer dart and he fell onto a large mat. Described as “pretty mellow” , he “was resting up on the branch”. Hippie-bear will be taken back to the wild by the Colorado Parks and Wildlife Dept. Thank God Nugent wasn’t there!
UPDATE: That bear was hit by multiple cars today and is dead. Famous Falling Bear Killed by Cars
falling bear photo by andy duann
(not the actual flaming bus)
