I have given up on watching the televised Debt Ceiling Follies, in part because the mere sight of Mitch McDonnell will render me blind, but also because of the charismatically challenged Senate Majority Leader. Harry Reid is like a box turtle who’s lost his shell, speaking in tones so soft and faltering, they literally have no resonance.
Next to Boner’s honey glazed hm face, Reid’s pallor is that of gray death, and he wears brown mortician’s suits. He is so bad at the public part of his job it’s ridiculous. He looks at his notes or his feet on the podium, gesturing with awkward hand chops. It is not even interesting that Harry Reid is boring yet has a powerful position in the U.S. Senate, because when you try to recall the names of other Senate majority leaders, you kind of come up blank. Just because Lyndon Johnson was a crazy Texan redneck entertainer half a century ago doesn’t mean the job expects or demands a scintillating personality, but that’s probably because the hulking, old vulgarian kicked more ass than any politician in US history.
Lyndon Baines Johnson knew something about “getting ahead of the debate”. Before Vietnam consumed and destroyed his presidency, LBJ got a hostile Congress of openly racist Southern Democrats to enact massive and historic civil rights legislation, expansive voting rights measures, huge anti-poverty programs, immigration reform, Medicare, Medicaid, urban renewal, development of depressed regions, a wide-scale fight against poverty, crime control and prevention, generous education funding, public broadcasting, environmental protection, financial sector regulation and a raft of other Great Society measures that made life better for tens of millions of Americans of all ages, races and income brackets.
Now how’d he do dat?
Congress members called it “The Johnson Treatment” and it made him hands down the most effective Senate majority leader in history, “the greatest intelligence gatherer Washington has ever known”. Pockets spilling with clippings, memos and statistics, he deduced every Senator’s precise position, philosophy, prejudices, strengths and weaknesses, and what it would take to break him. LBJ would use all the powers in a vast arsenal to get what he wanted, including gentle prodding, begging, ass-kissing, logic, stern warnings, threats, bullying, needling, promises of federal money for pet projects, rides on Air Force One, even threats of White House retribution. His tone, running the gamut from supplication, accusation, cajolery, mimicry, humor, scorn, tears, and the genius of analogy, rendered the target stunned and helpless. It was completely one-sided, Johnson anticipating any interjections before they could be spoken. If all else failed, LBJ would employ outright physical intimidation, using the “nose-to-nose treatment”, moving in so his face was a millimeter from his target, grabbing him by his lapels, squeezing his arms and legs, stamping on feet, kicking shins, in his office, in the halls, at his swimming pool, in the Senate cloakroom, or on the floor of the Senate itself.
It’s all well and good if our psychologically well-balanced President himself wants to maintain civility in public discourse, and remain above the fray in his era of post-partisan politics. But why the HELL isn’t someone – preferably a black someone – body slamming Teabaggers and Blue Dogs alike against walls and whispering into their ruddy ears: “There’s isn’t a Senator on the Hill who doesn’t want something. What do you want? A little transpo money for your State? A nice weekend at Camp David for you and the family? A ride on Air Force One?” OR, simply shoving their flabby white asses against the urinal and telling them in no uncertain terms that they are going to get shanked Oz-style in the stall if they don’t get with the program.
LBJ was a physically-imposing gent, 6’4”. Obama is no slouch at 6’1″, with the added advantage of being black. LBJ used physicality to get his way, literally kicking people’s shins. Because kicking the lilly-white shins of a few unapologetic racists got Civil Rights legislation passed. The man had the ability of being a bully one moment and a romancer the next, raising shin-kicking/cajoling to an art form, and never leaving doubt about who was in charge. When he called a White House meeting of congressional leaders, you can be sure hey came and they stayed. “Walking out “on LBJ was unthinkable.
What I would pay to see some 21st century version of LBJ grab Paul Ryan by his underpants and make him cry and tinkle under the duress.