This entire story is going to be included in the next Al Qaeda recruiting video.
Here is Utah Boy Scout leader Glenn Taylor, as he infamously filmed his superhuman ability to shove over an ancient, 2,000-pound sandstone with his bare hands at Utah’s Goblin Valley State Park, successfully knocking it to the ground so that it couldn’t kill a hypothetical little kid someday.
Cometofindout, the heavyweight rock crusher tackled the 20-million-year-old rock formation just one month after he filed papers against one Alan MacDonald, claiming he ‘endure(d) great pain and suffering, disability, impairment, “loss of joy of life” from a 2009 crash involving MacDonald’s 16-year old daughter in Provo.
Yes, the accident happened in 2009, but the suit was filed just last month. According to the court documents, Taylor claims he’s still incurring medical fees. He did not go to the hospital for his “injuries” after the accident. Yes, Glenn Taylor, seen by millions on youtube destroying a 200 million-year-old goblin sandstone formation in Utah’s Goblin Valley State Park last week, filed a personal injury lawsuit against the father of a teen for disability payments for his “debilitating” physical injury after a car accident four years ago.
We’re not sure if the youtube video shows a man in great pain, or evidence of a miracle healing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHgpiMp1JqA
If you listen carefully, you can hear someone, in the old tradition of healing and regeneration through song, in the spirit of “There is a Balm in Gilead”, crooning: “Wiggle it, Just a Little Bit” as the mighty Taylor shoves his ailing girth against the millions years old formation. Then, just as the boulder falls, we hear the afflicted shrieking in obvious agony, “HAHAHAHAHAHA!” and finally, “WOOHOO!” He raises his arms in blessing and in the way of a high-five from his son Dylan, his pudgy face, beaming from the blessings of the Lord, that some might mistake for a shit-eating grin.
This example of healthy living, clear thinking and high moral character is the epitome to which every Scout leader in America should aspire. If only there were more like Glenn Taylor, willing to protect the innocent while risking his own already fragile physical abilities, there would probably be absolutely no gayness at all ever in scouting because the kids who decided to be gay would have this pillow of greatness to serve as their model.
In an interview for a Salt Lake City teevee report, intrepid investigative reporter Chris Jones catches up with Glenn Taylor in his car. Mr. Taylor likes talking about the rock and is happy at first.
Then Reporter Jones cold assault his ass with the disability lawsuit.
(Uh-Oh)
Reporter Jones says: “You don’t look very debilitated in that video”.
Glenn Taylor: “You didn’t see how hard I pushed.”
Reporter Jones: “It looked like you were pushing pretty hard.”
Glenn Taylor: “You don’t have my authority to put this online. Or on the news.”
(speeds away)
…..says the imbecile who put the video on the fucking internet. BWAHAHAHHAHAHA The “authority to put this on television”. After they put themselves on YouTube, they think they’re entitled to some protection from the media! Seriously, folks WTF? “You don’t have the authority”, sounds like all the Facebook disclaimers everyone is putting up on their wall. Honestly, how the fuck does this guy think the news works? “Yeah, I’m a national outrage who just got busted scamming a fake back injury and am not only dumb enough to push boulders on camera, but to give interviews about it too – but all this is off the record, yo.
This retard-American didn’t die, so no Darwin Award is on the table; but he seems to have done comparable violence to his insurance claim. Taylor’s attorney, Mark Stubbs, conceded that he video may not “play well” for a jury (lawyer-speak for “we’re fucked). Perhaps they should rethink their strategy and sue the Park Service for potential endangerment and the Internets and MSM for making fun of him, or for allowing the boulder to tempt him into pushing it, causing him to lose the other case and to become a national laughingstock. Otherwise, Taylor’s attorney, Mark Stubbs, will be seriously considering the other side’s most recent offer of $11.99, and his $4 cut thereof, as the best deal he’s likely to get.
“We have modified Goblin Valley,” Taylor’s idiot friend Dave Hall said in the vandalizing video. State park officials didn’t find it funny. Those “goblins” date back to the Jurassic period. The valley is full of these rocks that are perched up on these earth platforms, waiting to be tipped over like so many cows, by similar morons. Goblin Valley State Park is famous because of its rock formations, so you have some idea that those same rock formations are more than just a “pile of rocks.” It would be like knocking down the wailing wall in Israel because it looks like it might fall over on someone. You aren’t just dropped next to it without any idea of what it is. Glenn Taylor and his buddies should just put the goblin back. The boulder, put it back the way it was. Fix it, you inbred shit stains.
Taylor and his idiot friends are facing criminal charges in connection with vandalizing a state park. If convicted, the men may be barred from continuing as scout leaders, which seems totally unfair because they’re probably not even gay.
