Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) aka “Crazy Uncle Coburn”
would you accept this man as your physician?
He turned the important issue of public White House tours – temporarily suspended because of sequestration – into his own personal “BENGHAAAAAAZZZZZIIIII!”. He campaigned to keep Schindler’s List off the air because he deemed it obscene (the nudity part, not the holocaust part). He warned Oklahomans of rampant lesbianism in the southeast portion of the state. He did a crossword puzzle during a senate hearing, then – literally – cried about the participants not taking the hearings seriously. He backed the “birther bill” and supports executing abortionists.
He suddenly and heroically grew a “Van Dyke” goatee which gave him the power to single-handedly slash the 9/11 first-responder health benefits bill from $7.4 billion in benefits and compensation to $1.5 for benefits and $2.7 for compensation. Plus, he added an expiration date to the fund – five years and out, so hurry up and get your 9/11-related cancer now, 9/11 guys. You simply must visit New York sometime, Mr. Coburn, take the “wife” to a Broadway show then the cops can set you on fire and firemen wouldn’t piss on you to put it out.
He lived in that Christian group townhouse on Capitol Hill with John Ensign, and was the go-between for Doug Hampton and Ensign when the former aide demanded millions of dollars in payments to rebuild his shattered career after leaving Capitol Hill. He panders to the NRA while maintaining a holier-than-thou faux-Christian facade, even when counseling a fellow GOPer on how best to get away with adultery and extortion. He apparently is a medical doctor, but thinks climate change is “malarkey” and that women who had abortions are more likely to commit suicide and have substance abuse problems. More likely than whom?? And also – calling abortions murder?
While ranting to a bunch of slack-jawed goobers in his home state, he said:
“It’s just a good thing I can’t pack a gun on the Senate floor.”
Now, if you or I said we wanted to pack a gun on the Senate floor – to get things done the way we want – we’d be arrested, right? But Coburn wasn’t through being an imbecile:
“As an African-American male, Obama received “tremendous advantage from a lot of these programs.”
Who knew? I guess that’s why blacks are doing so much better than whites in this country. Anyway, he referred to the 87 freshmen Republican House idiots as “the most wonderful thing to happen to our country in a long time,” and that they “are a fantastic addition to the debate in this country “, and he was admonished by the ethics committee for lobbying offenses and he “failed to meet the higher standards expected of a U.S. Senator”.
Coburn double-downed on handing out disaster relief funding “without spending cuts elsewhere”, even after tornadoes were ripping the living shit out of his own state. Senator Coburn, under one condition. All of the emergency aid you receive has to be offset by funds that would have gone to residents, companies, operations, and programs in the State of Oklahoma. It’s the least your constituents deserve for your Tea Party purity and it saves the rest of Americans who’ve never voted for you from the lunacy (and hardships) of your emergency aid views. Seems only fair. Oklafuckinghoma, like most red states, are oinking fat net recipients of our tax money. So sure, Coburn. Take it out of your state’s federal pork.
Oklahomans voted this lunatic to the U.S. Senate, so we can assume they agree with his views. Glad I don’t live there.