Like Christmas, Easter has been throughly ruined by Christians — it used to be a fine Spring pagan fertility festival with free love and lamb sacrificings, and now look at it! They celebrate nailing John Barleycorn to the cross, wrap his body in a festive twelfth-century relic a crusader bought in some tourist trap, shove him in Joseph of Arimathea’s hole, dye hard-boiled chicken fetuses in various colors that never appeared in nature and stuff them in a basket filled with dyed and shredded doggie waste receptacles and three days later when some women go to wash the body a giant bunny is standing there giving them marshmallow Peeps and Cadbury eggs. Can’t we go back to having sex in the fields like in old times?