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And you thought the standard uniform for CPAC goers was obnoxious t-shirts, bermuda shorts, colored socks and sandals, along with a slightly frayed cardigan sweater? Not this year, bitches.<\/p>\n
You see, last year they almost ran out of the scratchy blankets they use to cover up women who come dressed as whores! How else can GOP men shame sluts for being so slutty, but not slutty enough to fuck them? Well, CPAC 2013 has hired teabaquettes to instruct all those CPAC-bound on how to dress – specifically how not to look like a whore. Fellas, don\u2019t look like horrible slobs, womenz please stop being such whores and cover your filthy rump.<\/p>\n
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So, Gals,\u00a0what are <\/em>you allowed wear? Cardigans, “blouses”, blazers, “dress slacks” and pumps.\u00a0What shouldn\u2019t<\/em> you wear? Oh, just a few things:<\/p>\n Jeans, “rompers”, halters, shorts – even “dressy” shorts- , strapless necklines, low-cut tops, t-shirts, miniskirts, leggings, sneakers, TOMS, Uggs.<\/p>\n If you’re a typical teabagger and therefore illiterate, there’s an\u00a0infographic (left).<\/p>\n Fellas, what should you <\/em>wear? Blazers, khakis, loafers. Dress like James O\u2019Keefe \u00a0– just not the one where he dresses like a pimp – or Tucker Carlson. \u00a0Or just look in a 1953 Sears Catalog (that I know you have). Anything you see there is fine to wear. Including the tractors.\u00a0Putting a suit on Mr. and Mrs. Wingnut-McMoron isn’t going to make them any smarter. Neither is wearing glasses, so don’t try that either.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n