The great thing about Twitter and politicians is the extreme danger of masks slipping, leading to moments of hilariously unexpected candor (see: Anthony Weiner/crotch shot, Dane Deutsch/Hitler, Scott Walker/Obama/Soul Train, or Sarah Palin’s random mutterings/word salad any day of any week). Here’s yet another example of how Twitter is facilitating the self-destruction of politicians by encouraging the posting of every idle thought:
“Phil Mitsch”: smarmy, smug-mugged Republican Senate candidate from Camden, New Jersey. The 62 year old former real estate broker/snake oil salesman and Wayne Newton/Roger Miller/Tom Ridge/Pete Rose hybrid, has been getting slammed for a (non ironic) tweet he sent out to his 44,000 followers:
Yes, that is exactly what his county needs, a leafy county settled by Quakers, home to Union soldiers and Walt Whitman, and sustained by post WWI immigrant labor, needs Phil Mitsch’s tax breaks, something called “mandatory mortgage loan modifications on at risk residential properties,” and hackneyed, antediluvian sex tips. When questioned about the tweet, the self-styled New Jersey real estate legend told the Philadelphia Inquirer that it was:
“A great tip! It shows the utmost respect for women.… What I was trying to say to men was, ‘Men, look, if you got to go out and play around and you can’t be honest with a woman and respect her, then you’re better off just doing pay, play, and get the ‘F’ away.’”
He initially refused to apologize for the “great tip”, saying:
“I am definitely not apologizing for those two tweets at all. They were relationship tips. ‘Stud in the bedroom’ and ‘whore in the bedroom,’ those are timeworn adages.”
Camden County GOP Chairman Thomas Booth unbelievably initially stuck by Mitsch even after the “whore” tweet, defending him as “a fantastic candidate” who had “made a “mistake”. He then changed his tune, demanding an apology. Even though dispensing retro sex advice to 44,000 strangers while running for public office seems like a winning campaign strategy, Mitsch backtracked:
“I would like to sincerely apologize for any offense I may have caused anyone, particularly women, as a result of a Twitter post that has recently been reported.” *
Then, not being satisfied with his own apology, he decided to explain the tweet in further detail:
“The specific tweet in question is an age-old saw most notably quoted by Jerry Hall, Mick Jagger’s ex-wife, in the early 1990’s: My mother said in order to keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen, a whore in the bedroom. I updated her quote with the fact that men should ‘be faithful, a gentleman in the living room and a stud in the bedroom, but looking back, I didn’t update the original terminology enough to reflect 21st century sensibilities.” **
Huh? Jerry Hall? “Age-old saw”? When was he born – 1870? Although now exposed as insane, he’s still in the race. Booth threatened to pull his support (why would there be SUPPORT in the first place? Twitter notwithstanding?) for Mitsch’s candidacy in the election, demanding an apology that demonstrates that Mitsch understands why the tweet was offensive and why it was wrong to put it on Twitter:***
“His excuse – that he was merely ‘paraphrasing’ what others have said – demonstrates a fundamental failure to appreciate why his statement was so wrong. There are many ‘old adages’ out there, and the mere fact that such adages may have been around for a while or may have been used by some semi-famous celebrity does not make them correct or acceptable.”
“How the voter interprets my response to [the tweets], I don’t care. I don’t care if I get elected or not. People came after ME to run. It would be a tragedy to be denied … over stupid tweets that are misinterpreted.”
Mitsch explained the “whore” tweet by saying it was a prepackaged tweet (you know, sort of like a “joke of the day”) that he uses to reach out to perspective clients and friends. He just forgot that the really offensive ones might be a bad idea, you know, now that he’s running for office. The mafiosi Dracula manages to tweet incessantly (he’s sent out a whopping 68,820 tweets – at 10 a day, 365 days a year, it still takes almost 19 years to get to 68,820 tweets), offering nuggets of advice on everything from finances and politics to relationships and sex. To tweet that much, to assault the planet that copiously with a Twitter account, one has to be totally convinced there are legions of people hanging on your every word. That’s the best part about it – not the alarming stupidity – but Dr Phil’s awesome conceit. He really believes he’s helping his Twitter followers, and all those women could really use some sex advice. He’s like a sexed-up, unfunny, misogynistic Erma Bombeck. Mitsch does caution that some of his tweets are infused with his somewhat ‘dry’ sense of humor. Like these pearls of advice to the men:
“Tell your women they can’t talk to you but they can moan.”
“Increase your odds of keeping your women by being faithful, a gentleman in the living room and a stud in the bedroom.”
Followed by:
“I always have and always will put women on a pedestal because I have deep respect for them”.
His is a constant stream of “motivational tips” and observations on the pressing love issues of the day, like a perverted greeting card auteur, are:
“To hell with life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Just give me passion”
“A little sex everyday keeps the doctor away. Screw the apple”.
“When a woman lets a man make love to her she is really letting him make love to her heart and soul” ****
Phil, this neanderthal behavior may be acceptable in Iran, where a government representative can go on Twitter pontificating on how less than 50% of his constituency is not really their equal. But this is America! You’re not supposed to put your creepy misogyny on a public forum! Keep it in the boardroom where it belongs! You don’t need Twitter to tell us ladies that you’re a class act, it’s obvious by the way you hold your glasses between your fingertips so you won’t lose them, the shoe-polish jet hair and eyebrows to match, the embroidered monogram on the French cuff, the pre-folded handkerchief in your chest pocket, Suav-vay! Maybe you never meant to suggest that women should be “whores” in the bedroom – although you do look like you knows a lot more about the whores than you does the ladies – but actually intended to say “sluts”. Whores charge a fee, whereas sluts do it for free.
Say what you will about Phil Mitsch, but he is psychotically industrious. Besides tweeting like a mad man, Mitsch has 2 websites, one of which – “Solutions for a Better America” – includes helpful business tips like How to Create the Ultimate Letterhead and everyday tips such as “Truth Will Set You Free, But First It Will Usually Piss You Off”!. He has books, videos, blogs, podcasts, and seminars. He is, according to his website: “America’s Leading Economic, Real Estate, Lending And Motivational Coach. Real Estate Industry’s All Time Top Producing Residential Realtor. New Jersey State Senate Candidate District 6”.
In other words he is “unfit for public office,” according to the New Jersey GOP who is calling for Mitsch to back out of the race. Undeterred, Mitsch will face Democratic incumbent James Beach in the Nov. 8 election. Come on, New Jersey! America needs a philosophical “big thinker” in office! Especially ones that churn out bon mots like an X-rated, 1950’s bromide generator from the “Love is” figurine factory.
* “Sorry if you bitches can’t take a joke”
**“Not intended to be a factual statement.”
*** Can you imagine working for the GOP and having to word and reword and simplify and reduce everything for the imbeciles running on your party ticket?
****Need to find out who this guy’s mistress is. Hopefully right before the election.