Nothing says ‘Flaming Homosexual’ like the wide-stance, fully braced posture of a Texas Governor firing an erect rifle that has about as much recoil as a Daisy 105 BB gun. Look at the red-blooded embodiment of violence and virility, with mom jeans and an utterly worthless, sissy “mini suppressor” on the end of the barrel. And not only is his man-purse (not seen in photo) too small to hold an extended clip, he can barely squeeze in his lipstick and emergency tampon.
The swaggering idiot carries a .380 Ruger (loaded with hollow-point bullets) when jogging, because he is afraid of snakes. I am also afraid of snakes, but when I jog (haha I don’t jog!), I carry a handgun that uses rounds with shot pellets. Hollow points are for people! It was on a jog that Gov. Fancy Boots allegedly encountered a coyote, later bragging it took just one shot from the laser-sighted pistol to take out the varmint. “Don’t attack my dog or you might get shot … if you’re a coyote…” I love that he added “if you’re a coyote”. Thanks for clearing that up! Perry later qualified that the coyote didn’t “attack” his dog, Coyote and Governor exchanged lingering stares at which point Perry took it out without provocation. “I did the appropriate thing and sent it to where coyotes go…”
Uhhhh… where do coyotes “go”? Hell? And why are you charging the coyote? Oh yeah, because you have a gun. A snake-protection weapon loaded with hollow point bullets (it’s a good time to point out that Perry’s varmint hunting arena is the sprawling grounds of his mansion aka coyote-spawning Hellscape which costs Texas taxpayers $44,000 in lawn maintenance alone). And this is just his Jogging Gun. I’m sure he would have dropped an Acme anvil on the coyote if he wouldn’t have had his gun.
But he ALWAYS has a gun.
Seen here is the Governor of Texas, wildly firing off a semi-automatic death toy in a crowded area of town.
An honorary model of Perry’s storied, coyote killing pistol was produced in the form of a special edition Sturm, Ruger & Co .380. It comes emblazoned with the words “Coyote Special” on one side of the slide and “A True Texan” on the other side. The top of the pistol features an etching of a howling coyote – you know, that perennial image that’s silk-screened on shirts, embroidered on hand towels, melded into pewter pendants and favored by loadies, Denverites, Southwestern enthusiasts and hipsters (I’d like to point out the canid in the classic howling of lore is a wolf – a powerful and courageous representation of natural forces and spirits – not a coyote, the pest par excellence of the American West, legally classified in western states as “vermin” species (Latin, as Eatibus anythingus)). On the other side of the Coyote Special is a Texas Star. The packaging is stamped “FOR SALE TO TEXANS ONLY” (likely not enforceable.). The gun retails for $340, Perry’s laser -sight jogging option is an additional $140 and supplies are limited.
COMBAT ASSAULT RIFLE
GRENADE LAUNCHER
FULLY AUTOMATIC MACHINE GUN aka SNIPER RIFLE
SHOTGUN aka CHENEY FACE GUN
Among the many gun bills Governor Perry has signed are the “Castle Doctrine Bill” aka “Gunslinger Law” (“a man’s home is his castle, so shoot now, ask questions later), eliminating a requirement that folks make a reasonable attempt to refrain using deadly force before blowing away an intruder, and the “Motorist Protection Act” aka “Road Rage Law”, allowing any lunatic to carry a handgun in his/her car.
At Perry’s sparsely attended bible hootenanny at Reliant Stadium in Houston – “The Response” – guns were not allowed (also prohitibed: signs, flags, noise makers/instruments, coolers, tobacco, illegal substances, and pets). The arena has a blanket ban on “weapons,” as if a handgun were a common cooler or “outside beverage”. When a Perry constituent found out that he could not bring his concealed weapon to the prayer festival, he asked:
“What can I bring”?
“Bible and a notebook”. But will a Bible and a notebook protect your family from a terrorist, a brown person, or a liberal coming to take his gun away? I guess God will be in charge of this one. The Governor opened services at his hoedown for Christ and profit, with a prayer:
“Lord, give me the strength to pander to those insurrectionist extremist gunophile neanderbillies that make up my constituency, so that they may support me in my campaign to make it easier for God-fearing Americans to carry loaded guns on every sidewalk, footpath, street, road, thoroughfare, turnpike, toll-road, car, automobile, buggy, Vespa, gutter, sewer, park, beach, tree, bush, place, greenhouse, outhouse, store, grocery store, big-box store, arcade, amusement park, fair, restaurant, café, bistro, diner, cafeteria, bar, tavern, saloon, inn, hostel, hotel, motel, motor lodge, college campus, science lab, library, playground, hospital, emergency room, doctors office, stadium, arena, auditorium, church, parish, quaker meeting house, synagogue, mosque, dwelling, home, room, apartment, shack, mcmansion, lean-to, neighborhood, district, locality, slum, barrio, estate, gated community, sub division, suburb, settlement, village, town, city, county, state, protectorate, country, and other places like Congress. Amen”.
Aside: I’m calling BS on the entire coyote killing story. I’m pretty sure he cooked it all up for the cowboy killer cred image he thought it would evoke. There is zero evidence, he didn’t produce a carcass, and why would I take him at his word? You know you’re really somebody when some jackass names a gun after you because you made up a story about how you went toe to toe with a coyote while jogging. I mean, seriously, who carries a gun while jogging?? In the suburbs??