Roy Campaella said: “You gotta be a man to play baseball for a living, but you gotta have a lot of little boy in you, too”. That said, you’d think the Congressional Republicans would have decimated their Democratic counterparts when the 2 parties squared off at the 2011 annual Congressional Baseball Game at Nationals Park in Washington last week. But then there’s the issue of brains, and as Yogi Berra put it, baseball is “90% mental”. Hence, the Dem squad pulverized the Repubs by a score of 8 – 2.
Billing: “Every year, with a few interruptions, Senate and House members of each party team up to settle scores and solidify friendships off the floor and on the field!” The annual charity showdown on the diamond began in 1909, intermittently interrupted for reasons like war or the general grouchiness of congressional spoilsports. This, the 50th anniversary of the partisan match-up, brought out the big wigs. Democratic Whip Steny Hoyer and Nancy Pelosi – chic in a cream pantsuit – got rousing ovations as they took the field. Senate Majority Leader Eric Cantor…. not so much, and he slunk off into the GOP dugout like a rat into its hole. John Boehner made a customarily splashy, spray-tanned entrance, surrounded by a phalanx of Secret Service agents. Congressional members sport the uniform of their home states and districts, and it’s really the only partisan showdown anyone can stomach.
Speaking of stomachs, one of the reasons for the poor performance by the Repubs may have been that their squad was managed by barely literate, fat piece of shit and BP apologist, Rep. Joe Barton (TX). He had 40 (white) players to wrangle, and I’d be surprised if he could even count that high. The GOP’s enormous squad was dominated by wet-behind-the-ears, teabaggy freshman “lawmakers”. In comparison, the Dems roster was a measly – but decidedly more diverse – 18. The psychotic, sub literate Texan/GOP manager said:
“We spend a lot of time on the floor talking baseball; that makes it easier when we do try to talk policy..”
Wait, what? What part of that statement makes any sense? The manager for the Democratic squad, Rep. Mike Doyle (D-PA. below), sporting the colors of his hometown Pirates, said, more normally: “We want to beat these guys BAD”.
The GOP has dominated the event (33 – 6) and was favored again this year, largely because the Democratic roster was decimated in the offseason i.e. “the midterm elections”. On the field, as in the House, Dems faced a larger, younger and “More Energized!” team of Repubs (all those youthful lunatics Americans voted in last November). The GOP had twice as many players on the field as the Dems, and half the gray-haired heads (although the old coots they did have were oh so physically, psychotically deranged). BUT, on the field, as in life, the Republicans sucked, managing only one hit to the minority party’s 15. Dem freshman Rep. Cedric Richmond from New Orleans silenced the GOP bats, striking out Repub after Repub, knocking in runs and making face-first slides into bases. Each time Richmond left the mound, the crowd chanted “MVP, MVP!” Because even when scumbag politicians are playing baseball, it all still comes down to pitching.
Crappy Repub pitcher and angry old white coot John Shumkus (R-IL)
Talented, left-leaning righty Rep. Richmond mowed down the enemy on the mound for the Dems
Just like a Republican Bill Shuster (R-NJ), whining, eye-rolling, arguing balls and strikes.
The last man picked for every team, every day of his life. Kevin Brady (R-TX)
Repub Dugout: From left to right: Joe Jackson, Eddie Cicotte, Lefty Williams, Buck Weaver, Chick Gandil, Swede Risberg, Happy Felsch, and Fred McMullin.
Repubs: the umpire says the Dem is SAFE. It’s not the Supreme Court, it’s an umpire!
Repub twerp Rand Paul whiffs. Rand’s Pop, GOP Pres Candidate Ron Paul, is the only congressman to ever knock one out of the park during a Congressional Baseball Game (below):
Awesomeness that is Rep Linda Sanchez (D-CA)
Ever see a fat, white Rethuglican whiff any better than Kevin Brady (R-TX)?
Democratic Coot pumping up the team. Bill Pascrell Rep (D-NJ)
An actual Republican man (Lou Bartletta R-PA) throwing….like a…man?
Republican slugger-thug conjuring up Obama’s head for his at-bat. Rep. Dennis Ross (R-Fla.)
The good guys are victorious.
On field and off, literally ALWAYS a douchebag, assclown Eric Cantor whines, gripes, fusses, bellyaches, grouses, doesn’t even suit up. What the shit for brains did contribute is making sure that for his Republican squad, Albert Belle provided the bats, Mike Scott supplied the balls and emery boards, Gaylord Perry brought the Vaesline, Mark McQuire brought the syringes, and the ghost of Ty Cobb provided the spikes and sharpeners.