2016’s Muddled Christmas Message You’ve been Waiting for.

by kara on December 24, 2016

It’s Sacred Baby Festival Eve, and that means it is time for joy, goodfellowship, excising bad friends from your life (You know who you are), and political score settling.

This year, wevare too freaked out to even entertain the idea of a “War” on Christmas because Jesus Christ sittin’ on Santa’s lap askin’ for collectible Beanie Babies, this is ridiculous and asinine. No one has been denied their rights to do anything during the holiday Christmas season, even during the dark years of Secret Muslin O’Bummer. This year we don’t care about how Starbucks cups do not explicitly mention how the Baby Jesus died so you can have $5 cups of coffee. That they are only in Christmasey *colors* hence trying to destroy Christianity by not having snowflakes on them, cause, Christianity will be destroyed if people don’t pretend other religions don’t have holidays, by believing ‘Happy Holidays’ didn’t used to just mean to most people.

This year no one is kvecthing about their Merry Christmas-ing rights being trampled. No one is saying they were #triggered when the lady at TJ Maxx said “Happy Holidays!”.In the dark on coming of winter of 2016, I’ going to go ahead and use theor stuid words and  call you a #specialsnowflake that’s #triggered by that, then you need to go back to your #safespace and #STFU so we don’t have to listen to you crying.

This year, we do not fret about how our Christmas shopping might accidentally make Jesus cry, by throat-cramming our newborn savior with gayness and abortion. Can you make it through your Secret Santa list without doing that to Jesus?  This year, we have bigger problems. I don’t have to tell you what they are.

Because it is the last Christmas of the Beforetimes, a lot more reflection is due. Let’s start by admitting that out culture doesn’t value human life except as one more commodity to be bought, used, and sold or discarded. Our gods are money, comfort, and status. Our dreams are neither of a kingdom of heaven on Earth where man lives in peace and harmony with one another and with the environment, nor are they of a heaven of the afterlife where humanity is one and evil and injustice are things of the past, our fantasies are of climbing out of the machine and being one of the people that run it. For all of the bullshit “pro-life” rhetoric often spouted, you never hear one of these false prophets speak out for the oppressed, the dying, the persecuted, the forgotten, the prisoners, the refugees, or the innocent lives blown to shreds by our guns and bombs at home and abroad. At most, we pray. God, if he exists, is sick of our prayers and our worship. Love your fellow man with your deeds if you want to worship God.

That said, tomorrow, my family, along with most American families, will be sitting down to a ridiculous meal we can’t possibly finish, in a warm, safe home we drove to in our safe cars. Our biggest worry will be if the spoilt kids like the presents we got them. We’ll be surrounded by love and laughter. We’ll have more then we need and most of what we want. A little frozen rain outside the cake shop my sister and I are being sent to pick up the Bûche de Noël will be the biggest danger we face. I’m looking forward to it, but every year my gratefulness and joy is tinged with sadness, and a little guilt, because there are so many people who won’t experience in their entire lifetime the bounty I will on one Christmas day. Last year we had so much, I had to sneak out and drive around. There is no way I could ever give back enough in the face of all I have been given. I come from a hard working family with extremely poor peasant roots who have earned what we have, but my siblings and I were born in America, we’re white, and we “fit in”. We have it so good because of the sheer luck of those circumstances. I would have no less if the US took every single refugee now trying to flee their home. My life wouldn’t change at all. Can you imagine the change that would take place in their lives? They would experience thankfulness on a level I can’t imagine, because I am so privileged I cannot even list of all the things I should be grateful for because I have always had so much I actually take things for granted.

What I think I’m saying is that January 20th us gong to bring the end of the world, at least a devastating moral/economic/societal collapse, as predicted by ironclad prophecies. People are stocking up on dried food, thats all you need to know. When we wake on January 21st we’ll know whether or not the streets are full of blue-helmeted shock troops, assuming they finally make it out of the Opertion Jade Helm tunnels under Texas’s Walmarts. Because unlike Santa, Donald Trump is still real, and the gravitational field created by his ego has been known to create distortions in the space-time continuum when people get too close to him. We are not entering Dark Times, people.

So, if you’re a pagan or even a satanist, celebrate by sprinkling yourselves with the blood of a slaughtered animal and then passing around the ale bowl. And then rest up, for tomorrow we go and hunt the cutty wren.

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