I had coffee with a self-proclaimed Bernie Bro friend of mine recently. Here’s what I learned:
- Literally every thing Republicans have said about Hillary for the past 30 years is 100% true, because if it wasn’t true why would Bernie even be so popular?
- Middle class voters will gladly vote to have their taxes raised once we explain to them that in return they’ll get free government healthcare, but the government is so corrupt that we can’t trust it to manage our healthcare as the Obamacare disaster so clearly proved.
- 20,000 people attended a Bernie rally in California, which is why the Super Delegates need to ‘fall in line’ and give the nomination to Bernie, even though Super Delegates should not support Hillary because that is undemocratic
- Bernie has the clear momentum here, even though it’s impossible for him to get the nomination based on delegates, which again is where the Super Delegates come in because they need to respect the momentum of the past few primaries, but not the primaries that came before it.
- Bernie polls a few points higher than Hillary in that one poll about hypothetical general election matchups with Trump, which again is why the undemocratic Super Delegates need to ‘fall in line’ for the sake of democracy
- The Sanders campaign is NOT a cult of personality, because Sanders is so powerful that once he’s president he can say all the magic words which will finally fix our government and get everyone to support socialism and that is REAL reform
- The only reason that Sanders isn’t winning is because the media has labeled him a ‘loony fringe candidate,’ but the reason he should win is because he’s a socialist from Vermont who falls squarely outside the mainstream political establishment and people are really looking for that type of candidate in this election as Trump clearly proves and no one cares about the media anyway which is why Trump will end up winning.
- Bernie deserves all the credit for ‘pushing Hillary to the left’ because clearly Hillary is such an incompetent and inexperienced politician that she needed someone to do that for her, and clearly she only moved further to the left in the past couple of months, all because of Bernie, which again is why the Super Delegates really need to ‘fall in line’ and support the man that did all the heavy lifting but not the woman that just ‘fell in line’ with his campaign.
- It isn’t at all pertinent or relevant how President Bernie Sanders would interact with the GOP-controlled House of Representatives, but there is a lot of talk about “DC insiders”.
- The corporate media is complicit in keeping Hillary Clinton the Democratic front-runner and everyone is tired of reporters letting this email scandal go and letting this email scofflaw off the hook.
- It’s really going to be hard for some Sanders supporters to accept the fact that Jeff Weaver took their $27 dollars and threw it away, which is why we need to keep hope alive and go all the way to the DNC to prove that those $27 donations weren’t wasted.
- On the topic of Donald Trump, we were in agreement: He probably has studied the Dark Arts, and if elected could be the “President Snow of American politics.” We were so pleased at the Hunger Games reference that we forgot to point out in our Comic Book Guy voice that Panem actually is America, but in a dystopian future. Also, our favorite conspiracy theory is that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer, so score one for memes.
I pay attention, and agree with any points I agree with, namely the obscene corruption of our financial system and institutions, and the heinous and immoral and unending wars in the middle east and beyond. Alas, the Bernie folks insisting that I try to understand them and give them a pass because they’re excited about the revolution have less than zero interest in understanding me. (Standard #NotAllBernieBros disclaimer here.) I understand them just fine. They’re just fucking wrong.