Idaho Republican gubernatorial candidates debated Wednesday night – it was a real hoot.
We had incumbent Gov. C.L. “Butch” Otter, who’s running for his third term; and State Sen. Russ Fulcher, who’s challenging from the right (and has the endorsement of tea party congresscritter Raul Labrador); Harley Brown, a veteran gun nut and anti-PC warrior biker dude with ” a master’s degree in raising hell”; and Walt Bayes, a homeschool activist who says he spent time in jail for his religious beliefs and is the dictionary definition of an “Old Coot”.
Here are some of the many of the highlights of the evening…
Harley Brown’s opening statement Wednesday started out strong.
“Don’t think I’m crazy. Because I’m not.”
Then Walt Bayes introduced himself.
“I went to jail for homeschooling,” he said. “I’ve got 77 descendants.”
The debate turned to the topic of discrimination. Harley Brown offered his thoughts on gay marriage:
“ I used to drive taxis in Boise for 20 years at night and I’ve picked up my fair share of the gay community,” Brown said. “And they have true love for one another. I’m telling you, they love each other more than I love my motorcycle. And I’ll tell you, they’re just as American as a Medal of Honor winner. Liberty and justice for all, equal protection under the law, I’m glad the judge made that decision. I’m glad that they want to get married and live like that. I know I’m not really talking like a Republican.”
Walt Bayes disagreed. Then he started reading the New Testament.
That’s when Brown really let loose:
“A substantial portion of my political campaign is to campaign against political correctness. It’s a bunch of, a lot of the working class, oh, by the way, when you did your introduction, I wanted the fact that I was the president of Bombers Motorcycle Club and that I was a long-haul truck driver, okay. I wanted to get the low-range stuff, not just the high stuff, engineer and all that.
But like a Fuller nine-speed transmission to get the [unintelligible] low and go all the way up to overdrive. And I have experience with the entire spectrum of our society and I like blue-collar values. And those Harley-isms, as I call that, a lot of warning on there. ‘You might find this offensive.’ But I hit every, I hit everybody. Jews, uh, Polish people, uh, Irish, uh, Italians, uh, religious jokes and black jokes. And, by the way, my wife’s screened that and we took the real hard-core zingers out so in case I catch any flack from people like you, not that, you’re mild, I can fire that back and attack my attackers.
I don’t like political correctness. Can I say this? It sucks! It’s bondage. And I’m not, I’m about as politically correct as your proverbial turd in a punch bowl. And I’m proud of it and I’m going for it and I’m going for the vote of the real people out there not these bondage-type uh people who don’t have a clue about picking up strangers at night and hauling them God knows where. Try that for a while.”
The debate turned to the subject of wolf hunting. Walt Bayes couldn’t care less if you know that he thinks the law is stupid.
“I DID kill a wolf!!!” Brown admitted/bragged (in fact he admitted to several crimes, even implicating his wife in one of them)
“While it was still an endangered species!!!”
The moderators moved on to taxes. Which prompted Harley Brown to go on a rant about federal control of Idaho land.
“The key is getting our land back from the feds. And here’s my plan of attack. The three best men for the mission are myself as governor, because I’ve got a master’s in raising hell. … Here’s my plan of attack, OK? You go in there and you use spiritual warfare. Everybody talks about the natural, but I want to talk about the other realm we exist in. You bind those evil spirits that are behind the feds with the blood of Jesus, the name of Jesus and the power of entombment of the Holy Spirit, the power of agreement, the word of God. Take air superiority and then roll in with your tanks on your ground….Blitzkrieg!
A moderator interrupted him.
“Mr. Brown? The question was about taxes.”
Oh, the governor of Idaho was there, as well as a state senator, less crazy but equally stupid.
Walt Bayes bragged that he’d been sent to jail for homeschooling his kids, but that they’d turned out OK:
“I’ve got four sons that made rodeo cowboys, and one daughter.” He didn’t clarify whether she was a rodeo cowperson too, or if simply “daughter” was achievement enough. Bayes also warned America that we’re scheduled for our Divine Comeuppance: “I’m telling you folks, when you murder 56 million babies, you’re asking for our country to be demolished!!”
There was some good stuff in their closing remarks. From Brown:
“Well, this has been a great honor, League of Women Voters, and thank you, public TV. And thank you, folks, for tuning in to see us in action. Let me finish that story, okay. After God told me he was going to make me president, I went out and got the presidential seal tattooed right here on my [pats right] shoulder. My morale went from negative 500 off the scale and I started a presidential campaign right there. I’m a Type AA+ guy. And I was living in Fat Jack’s cellar because my wife, ex-wife had given me trumped up, some restraining orders. I couldn’t see my kids. It was a mess. And Fat Jack’s old lady, Fat Jack’s wife said, “Get this lunatic out of my cellar! He’s starting a presidential campaign! I’m getting calls from the media and all this.” For three years I had the credibility of Chicken Little. You know, the sky is falling? And, finally, one time, one day this bishop from Africa comes over and he says, “I am a prophet of the most high God and in that office I here authenticate that God told you that.” And I says, “Yeah? You mind putting that in writing?” He said, “Sure.” And he put it in writing and I got the original at home and I was able to go up to all my detractors and say, “Na-na-na-na-nah-nah!”
Okay. Now. I need practice. Practice. I don’t want to say stuff like “Sorry if our bombing caused you any inconvenience.” I gotta work in the Little League as a governor. And you have your choice, folks. A cowboy, a curmudgeon, a biker or a normal guy. Take your pick. Thank you very much. We’re leaving it up to you.”
Walt was apparently looking through the obituary page of his local newspaper for his closing remarks.
Now that’s some genu-wine, authentic frontier gibberish alright. It would be funny except that equivalents to those people may take control of the government in the next election. Enhanced science and education budgeting is not likely to be the result.
For the love of God, watch it for yourself. You sill not be sorry:
http://youtu.be/lfJJ4-AUyYg