Considering the psychotic, orgasmic lamestream media frenzy of inbred descendants of German-Prussian-Nazi-Junker land barons being ritualistically continued in a terrifying televised live birth aka #royalbaby. Honestly, I have a hard enough time sitting through the impending baby of a loved one!
After all, isn’t the whole point of having bored gullible people riled up over some random family tree of genetic mutations ruling over 62 million people because the Saxon Boar King Thiedericus of Liesgau smote Ceengør of Ålk in the summer of 953 near modern-day Blankenburg that we are titillated by “royalty”, “royal” weddings and “princes” and “princess”? (see: entires Disney female-targetd franchise).
I like the royal family. That’s right, I do. I like the Teutonic clan that has run the once-great British nation ever since the bloodless coup of the “Hanoverian Succession”, wrapped in coats made from pelts that George IV personally tore off of still-living bears, because it is still pretty much a bourgeois monarchy. Although it lives in palaces and travels in processional motorcades, sits – idiotically – for portraits in ermine-lined purple robes, clutching scepters, it is also clearly middle class. This is evidenced by their tastes in clothes, decor and dogs, and their tendency to work hard and identify emphatically with average folk. For all the snarking about William and Kate being boring and not fancy enough – that’s right, Catherine the Duchess of Cambridge re-wears her $76 Topshop polka dot dress – suck it, Ann Romney – that’s why I like them. Kate Middleton is a solid member of the bourgeois – the prosperous, hard-working, reasonably educated middle class that is the backbone of Britain and of all advanced societies. And the Inbred Hapsburgs of Fair Albion, well, they brought their Imperialism the blessings of civilization and the Gospel to undeserving savages around the world!
Over here in Amerikka, where a 10% income tax increase on rich people and a government program to prevent getting sick meaning bankruptcy and/or death is the “end of the Republic”, and Barack Obama is “more tyrannical than a monarch”…we have The Divine Right of Wing…nuts, who simply will not stand for subjugation! If we are to believe to Monarchy of the GOP, the Founding Fathers’ goal – with their ideas of replacing a monarchy with a republic and creating a country without a state church – in breaking away from Britain was to keep the Lobsterbacks, with their abortion clinics and their progressive income taxation structure, off of American soil (FACT: Black Plague devastated the fair country, due to ineffectiveness of the commie Public Health Service). That’s right, they totally invented a little something called “socialized medicine” … a hundred and one years ago! They hadn’t even shot the Archduke Ferdinand yet! That is how long ago it was! are sorry to have to point out some inconvenient facts to the hilares Free Republic. Like, Britain’s had a progressive income tax system since, like, William Pitt the Younger (LIKE, BEFORE ADAM SMITH EVEN, WHO? NEVER MIND KARL MARX).
If nothing else, the royal family’s existence is living, unarguable proof that we do not live in a meritocracy, and never have. For all the odious, class-ridden, fucked up legacy of unearned privilege, the obvious moral repugnance of the concomitant notion that some human beings are inherently better than others simply due to the circumstances of their birth, they grapple with in the UK, at least they acknowledge that it exists. In the US, the myth of an equal society is a gigantic shit brick everyone save the the royal Koch brothers, the boy emperor George W Bush and Gwyneth Paltrow has to have shoved up their ass. And then watch Gwinnie slither away in a pair of her $935 rag and bone gunmetal leggings.
image via sodahead