Screaming conservative headlines:
Weekly Standard: Obama’s Staff Uses Autopen to Sign ‘Fiscal Cliff’ Legislation. NO SIGNING CEREMONY!
Fox News: OBAMA SIGNS FISCAL CRISIS DEAL FROM HAWAII WITH AUTOPEN
From Weekly Standard resident moron Daniel Halper:
President Barack Obama’s staff used an autopen (a machine that mimics one’s signature) to sign the “fiscal cliff” legislation that Congress passed on New Year’s Day. There was no ceremony or photo-op for the autopen bill signing.
The pool reporter sends along a link to a “Department of Justice legal brief on the subject” of bills being signed by the autopen. Here’s the link, which says, according to the memo from a deputy assistant attorney general in the George W. Bush administration, that the practice is legally fine in theory.
George W. Bush, though, never signed a bill with an autopen. Obama has now done it 3 times.
Because George W Bush is the gold standard by which all presidential conduct should be measured.
He didn’t start 2 wars using an autopen? He personally signed for those, I guess. Seriously, though, George W Bush 0- clearly worried about his time away from the White House – commissioned the U.S. Department of Justice to look into the auto pen’s constitutionality. The result: A 29-page opinion saying it’s fine. W clearly wanted to use it, but was a skeered to risk any more controversy over his vacation days (487 days at Camp David and 490 days at his “ranch” *), and never used it. Also, because it couldn’t be programmed-down to scrawl an “X” in wax crayon.
While W avoided the autopen, his Secretary of Defense, one Donald Pumpkinhead Rumsfeld didn’t. Remember how Rummy autopenned all those condolence letters to families of soldiers killed in the Iraq war. Remember that? One of the relatives of the dead soldiers told The Guardian at the time: “He had time for golf and the ranch but not enough to sign a decent signature with a pen for his beloved hero soldiers.”
In 1992, Vice President Dan Potatohead Quayle blamed a staffer for using the autopen to sign a letter asking for an imprisoned GOP donor be sent to a minimum security prison.Enron criminal Ken Lay’s legal team argued in 2006 that Lay shouldn’t face banking charges because he didn’t sign some of the bank forms — an autopen did.
Couldn’t Obama just have signed it on one of those signature pads like when you use your credit card at the grocery store or Home Depot?
Interested in the Autopen? I am. There’s an entire book dedicated to the auto pen. In 1965, Charles Hamilton published “The Robot That Helped to Make a President,” about how President John F. Kennedy used the machine. How the autopen works here at Mashable.
Personally, I’m glad Bamz dropped the mic and went back to Hawaii. It was even better than a well placed “fuck you all”. He should blow their fucking minds by digitally signing a bill. You know, like half the shit the Federal government does on a daily basis and many people’s tax returns?
The founding fathers never envisioned a ball-pointed world. Quill or GTFO.
* 8 years as President = 2,920 days in office. Time spent at Crawford & Camp David = 977 days. That means he was on vacation for 33% or 1/3 of the time.