Assembled in Guangdong province by a team of wage slave nanotechnologists and engineers and sent via shipping container from the port of Shenzhen to GOP headquarters, Mitt Romney is keeping his programmers busy! Apparently, everything Mitt does and says was programmed one day late, so his unlucky programmers need to reboot and re-program him at midnight, hoping to God that nothing happens between then and the time he speaks the next day. Inevitably, they neglect to include something, and Mittbot says:

“We don’t need to hire more firefighters!” (while the biggest wildfires in our lifetimes are raging) and “we have plenty of teachers!” (as class sizes reach an average of 37 and we are ranked between the Czech Republic and Cyprus – and below Lithuania – in Math).

It’s the subject of money that really proves Mitt has fiber optic cable coiled in his chest cavity and a head full of fragmented data, as this subject tends to produce the greatest number of script errors, including weirdly smug and wildly inappropriate answers, arcane terminology auto-imported from an irrelevant database, dead-end loops and other rudimentary programming flaws such as:

“I’m also unemployed!” (speaking to unemployed people in Florida, his net worth is over $200 million), and “My wife drives a couple of Cadillacs”. And when asked whether he followed NASCAR: “I have some friends who are NASCAR team owners.” And my personal favorite: “I like those fancy raincoats you bought. Really sprung for the big bucks” (to NASCAR fans wearing plastic ponchos at the Daytona 500).